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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
never tell a lie...unless it is true
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Do angry people know about naps?
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops