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If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.