Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Don’t be scared of making changes. Be scared of living the same shitty life because you didn’t change. And spiders. Be scared of them too.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.