Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.