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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.