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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Ever talk to someone so stupid they make you squint?
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…