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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.