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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?