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If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`