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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?