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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time...
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!