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In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.