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Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
Good for you, people that do things.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.