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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…