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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!