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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?