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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.