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Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"