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It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
OK so i have an idea ............... wait why are you all running away?