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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally