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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.