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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.