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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.