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Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”