Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.