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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows