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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.