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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?