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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.