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My tricks aren`t for kids.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
You know it`s cold outside... when you step on dog poop and roll your ankle