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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.