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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?