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Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.