Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Condoms prevent minivans.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats