Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...