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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I’m working on my resume. Should I use the term “mad skillz” or would “mad skills” be more formal?
Waldo wears stripes because he doesn`t want to be spotted !
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.