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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....