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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?