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My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.