Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
This status is mine....I licked it.
I dare you to spit on this status.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.