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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"