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Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!