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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Women my age expect a man to have his sh!t together by now. Time to start dating younger women.
Are walruses just vampire manatees?