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I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.