Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.