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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
There`s no WE in pizza.