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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!