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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(