Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?