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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
only 9530 days until retirement.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
Some people should come with subtitles.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?