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One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.