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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
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The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.