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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
I think, therefore i`m single.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
gua suka sama kamu