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You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.