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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.