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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.