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I don`t care about your status...
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached