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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
is in no shape to exercise
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.