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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what