Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
life is too short to match socks
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.