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If only life was as easy as getting fat.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Free middle fingers for everyone!!!
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...