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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.