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I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!