Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...