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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Divorce is expensive because its worth it.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I fake my lol`s