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Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the internet.
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.