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Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on my face....damn kids and thier sharpies.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
is a mystery you´ll never solve
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...