Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Went shopping alone and the cashier asked, "How are you guys doing?" Now I`m 90% sure he can see ghosts and one is following me around.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
When it comes to speaking Spanish I know the essentials. "Taco, nacho, burrito, cheeto, frito & no comprendo."