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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...