Daily Silly Status

I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German

I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward

Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.

If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors

The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI

I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...

I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them

Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!

That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.

I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.

If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav

There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.

Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..

You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!