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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?