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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
Save water- shower with me!
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.