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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
All milk is breast milk.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)